some more jokes
posted by whatalotoffun @ 8/19/2006 05:07:00 PM
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Saturday, August 19, 2006
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Monday, June 12, 2006
Sunday Morning Sex
Sunday Morning Sex
I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling...
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old Grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling...
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old Grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
posted by whatalotoffun @ 6/12/2006 12:51:00 PM
2 comments
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
The Irish!!
An elderly Irishman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of hisfavourite cheese scones wafting up the stairs.He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing withboth hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for here, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were dozens of his favourite cheese scones. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, he could almost taste the cheese scone before it was in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to the nearest scone at the edge of the table, when his hand was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. . . . . . . . . . . . .
''Feck off !! " she said, "they're for the funeral!!"
''Feck off !! " she said, "they're for the funeral!!"
posted by whatalotoffun @ 6/07/2006 02:04:00 PM
1 comments
A greek mother's ordeal
A GREEK MOTHER'S ORDEAL
Mrs.Papadopoulos comes to visit her son Kosta for dinner, who lives with a female room-mate Soula. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kosta's room-mate was.
She had long hair, long legs, was slim and pretty. She had been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kosta and his room-mate than met the eye.
Reading his mother's thoughts, Kosta volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Soula and I are just room-mates."About a week later, Soula came to Kosta saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"Kosta replied, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mother,I'm not saying that you did take the sugar bowl from my house, and I'm not saying that you did not take it. But it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love Kosta.
Several days later, Kosta receives an email reply from his mother which read:
Dear Kosta,I'm not saying you do sleep with Soula, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love Mama.
Mrs.Papadopoulos comes to visit her son Kosta for dinner, who lives with a female room-mate Soula. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kosta's room-mate was.
She had long hair, long legs, was slim and pretty. She had been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kosta and his room-mate than met the eye.
Reading his mother's thoughts, Kosta volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Soula and I are just room-mates."About a week later, Soula came to Kosta saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"Kosta replied, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mother,I'm not saying that you did take the sugar bowl from my house, and I'm not saying that you did not take it. But it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love Kosta.
Several days later, Kosta receives an email reply from his mother which read:
Dear Kosta,I'm not saying you do sleep with Soula, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love Mama.
posted by whatalotoffun @ 6/07/2006 02:00:00 PM
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A Real Firefighter story!
A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks" the girl says.
The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little Partner", the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar too, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.
The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks" the girl says.
The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little Partner", the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar too, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.
posted by whatalotoffun @ 6/07/2006 01:53:00 PM
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Thursday, June 01, 2006
Mural in Men's Restroom
MURAL IN MEN'S RESTROOM
Edge Designs is an all women run company that designs interior officespace.They had a recent opportunity to do an office project in NYC. Theclient allowed the women of this company a free hand in all designaspects. The client was a company that was also run by all womenexecs.............
The result............well....... We all know that men never talk..never look at each other....and never laugh much in therestroom....The men's room is a serious and quiet place........... Butnow with the addition of one mural on the wall......Lets just say the men's restroom is a place of laughter and smiles.
See the attachment.
Edge Designs is an all women run company that designs interior officespace.They had a recent opportunity to do an office project in NYC. Theclient allowed the women of this company a free hand in all designaspects. The client was a company that was also run by all womenexecs.............
The result............well....... We all know that men never talk..never look at each other....and never laugh much in therestroom....The men's room is a serious and quiet place........... Butnow with the addition of one mural on the wall......Lets just say the men's restroom is a place of laughter and smiles.
See the attachment.
posted by whatalotoffun @ 6/01/2006 09:10:00 AM
0 comments
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Dear dog
Dear Dog...
I am soooo sorry about you being sent to the dog pound for the broken lamp which you did not break; the fish tank you did not spill over; and the carpet that you did not wet; or the wall that you did not dirty with red paint...
But things here at the house really are calmer now, and just to show you that there are no hard feelings between us, I am sending you a picture, so you will always remember me.
I am soooo sorry about you being sent to the dog pound for the broken lamp which you did not break; the fish tank you did not spill over; and the carpet that you did not wet; or the wall that you did not dirty with red paint...
But things here at the house really are calmer now, and just to show you that there are no hard feelings between us, I am sending you a picture, so you will always remember me.
posted by whatalotoffun @ 5/30/2006 02:41:00 PM
0 comments
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Boobie Girdle Pants
> This only takes a minute and its fun. Please don't be a bore and ruin
> it.
> > > Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some
> > > silliness
> >to
> > > break up the day. Here is your dose... Follow the instructions to
> > > find
> > > your new name. The following in an excerpt from a children's book,
> > > "Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants"
by Dave
> > > Pilkey: The Professor forces everyone to assume new names...
> > > > >
> > > Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New
> > > first name:
> > > > > a = poopsie
> > > > > b = lumpy
> > > > > c = buttercup
> > > > > d = gidget
> > > > > e = crusty
> > > > > f = greasy
> > > > > g = fluffy
> > > > > h = cheeseball
> > > > > i = chim-chim
> > > > > j = stinky
> > > > > k = flunky
> > > > > l = boobie
> > > > > m = pinky
> > > > > n = zippy
> > > > > o = goober
> > > > > p = doofus
> > > > > q = slimy
> > > > > r = loopy
> > > > > s = snotty
> > > > > t = tootie
> > > > > u = dorkey
> > > > > v = squeezit
> > > > > w = oprah
> > > > > x = skipper
> > > > > y = dinky
> > > > > z = zsa-zsa
> > > > >
> > > Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first
> > > half of
> >your
> > > new last name:
> > > > >
> > > > > a = apple
> > > > > b = toilet
> > > > > c = giggle
> > > > > d = burger
> > > > > e = girdle
> > > > > f = barf
> > > > > g = lizard
> > > > > h = waffle
> > > > > i = cootie
> > > > > j = monkey
> > > > > k = potty
> > > > > l = liver
> > > > > m = banana
> > > > > n = rhino
> > > > > o = bubble
> > > > > p = hamster
> > > > > q = toad
> > > > > r = gizzard
> > > > > s = pizza
> > > > > t = gerbil
> > > > > u = chicken
> > > > > v = pickle
> > > > > w = chuckle
> > > > > x = tofu
> > > > > y = gorilla
> > > > > z = stinker
> > > > >
> > > Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second
> > > half of
> > > your new last name:
> > > > >
> > > > > a = head
> > > > > b = mouth
> > > > > c = face
> > > > > d = nose
> > > > > e = tush
> > > > > f = breath
> > > > > g = pants
> > > > > h = shorts
> > > > > i = lips
> > > > > j = honker
> > > > > k = butt
> > > > > l = brain
> > > > > m = tushie
> > > > > n = chunks
> > > > > o = hiney
> > > > > p = biscuits
> > > > > q = toes
> > > > > r = buns
> > > > > s = fanny
> > > > > t = sniffer
> > > > > u = sprinkles
> > > > > v = kisser
> > > > > w = squirt
> > > > > x = humperdinck
> > > > > y = brains
> > > > > z = juice
> it.
> > > Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some
> > > silliness
> >to
> > > break up the day. Here is your dose... Follow the instructions to
> > > find
> > > your new name. The following in an excerpt from a children's book,
> > > "Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants"
by Dave
> > > Pilkey: The Professor forces everyone to assume new names...
> > > > >
> > > Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New
> > > first name:
> > > > > a = poopsie
> > > > > b = lumpy
> > > > > c = buttercup
> > > > > d = gidget
> > > > > e = crusty
> > > > > f = greasy
> > > > > g = fluffy
> > > > > h = cheeseball
> > > > > i = chim-chim
> > > > > j = stinky
> > > > > k = flunky
> > > > > l = boobie
> > > > > m = pinky
> > > > > n = zippy
> > > > > o = goober
> > > > > p = doofus
> > > > > q = slimy
> > > > > r = loopy
> > > > > s = snotty
> > > > > t = tootie
> > > > > u = dorkey
> > > > > v = squeezit
> > > > > w = oprah
> > > > > x = skipper
> > > > > y = dinky
> > > > > z = zsa-zsa
> > > > >
> > > Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first
> > > half of
> >your
> > > new last name:
> > > > >
> > > > > a = apple
> > > > > b = toilet
> > > > > c = giggle
> > > > > d = burger
> > > > > e = girdle
> > > > > f = barf
> > > > > g = lizard
> > > > > h = waffle
> > > > > i = cootie
> > > > > j = monkey
> > > > > k = potty
> > > > > l = liver
> > > > > m = banana
> > > > > n = rhino
> > > > > o = bubble
> > > > > p = hamster
> > > > > q = toad
> > > > > r = gizzard
> > > > > s = pizza
> > > > > t = gerbil
> > > > > u = chicken
> > > > > v = pickle
> > > > > w = chuckle
> > > > > x = tofu
> > > > > y = gorilla
> > > > > z = stinker
> > > > >
> > > Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second
> > > half of
> > > your new last name:
> > > > >
> > > > > a = head
> > > > > b = mouth
> > > > > c = face
> > > > > d = nose
> > > > > e = tush
> > > > > f = breath
> > > > > g = pants
> > > > > h = shorts
> > > > > i = lips
> > > > > j = honker
> > > > > k = butt
> > > > > l = brain
> > > > > m = tushie
> > > > > n = chunks
> > > > > o = hiney
> > > > > p = biscuits
> > > > > q = toes
> > > > > r = buns
> > > > > s = fanny
> > > > > t = sniffer
> > > > > u = sprinkles
> > > > > v = kisser
> > > > > w = squirt
> > > > > x = humperdinck
> > > > > y = brains
> > > > > z = juice
posted by whatalotoffun @ 5/25/2006 02:52:00 PM
3 comments
